Let me preface this blog post with the following statement: I love my job and I wouldn’t trade it for the world; however there is a fair amount of humor involved in the day to day life of a teacher. The internet abounds with funny quotes and memes about teachers. I have a ton of coffee mugs and clothes with funny teacher quotes; my latest acquisition is a shirt that says: “Teacher?!? I prefer ‘Educational Rockstar’” And every Educational Rockstar should have a well stocked arsenal (desk drawer) of things to get them through the day.
Funky Coloured Pens or Red Pens
To edit, correct and write copious amounts of both summative and formative feedback, that we desperately hope gets read, taken into account and incorporated. But remember, the cooler the colours the more likely they are to get swiped by those sweet, angelic students or other teachers, because you leave them lying around while trying to put out fires all day, standing in line at the photocopier or on a student’s desk when you go over to help them. Sometimes you even stick them behind your ear or in your bun and forget about them, giving your students many laughs as you fumble around looking for them…much like your glasses!
Extra Pencils/Pens/Erasers
Borrowed from the supply cupboard in the staffroom, from your own personal collection or the lost and found. This is a must! In addition to being a teacher you are also a Staples store; there to supply your students with all the things that were listed as mandatory for them to bring to class each day. You know you enable your students to be forgetful by covering for them, but it is waaay better than having them sit in their desks doing nothing. Idle hands do the devil’s work after all.
Calculator
A calculator that you probably got free at a convention or professional development day; one that you have clearly written your name and room number on so that it doesn’t go missing. It is also one of the things in your desk that when you lend it out to a student, you make them give you their shoe to ensure its prompt return. This is a must, because you are the humanities teacher and not very good at math. Heaven forbid you make a mistake adding up their test mark; you’ll be hearing about it for days….and days…and days…
Hand Sanitizer/Hand Lotion
They are cute but they are germy. It is so much more work to book a substitute than to take preventative measures; you lathering on the hand sanitizer each and every time you collect homework, high five, find yourself on the receiving end of a hug or picking up balled-up Kleenex left on desks or on the floor. Speaking of which you have to run down to the office at break and get another box because they have depleted yours. Of course all that sanitizing and handling paper all day dries out your hands so you slather on hand lotion (non-perfumed of course) so that they don’t crack. Let’s face it during flu season all you really want to wear is a Hazmat suit.
Assorted Medicines (Tylenol & Pepto Bismol)
This you keep in the locked drawer of your desk. Thirty-four students doing group work is louder than a Metallica concert; even when the kids are on task. You probably were already sick or already had a headache but you can’t take a sick day because you have to get through the curriculum and the kids need you. You pop a couple Tylenol with your coffee and power through. Teaching is stressful; the thought of staff meetings, parent-teacher interviews, staying on top of marking, making sure your grading program is calculating properly, doing report cards, volunteering for upteen different extracurricular activities, making phone calls, sending emails, supervising the hallways at lunch, getting together missed work for a student who is going on vacation for two weeks at the last minute, planning the next field trip, planning lessons, getting everything you need prepared for the next day on top of trying to figure out what to make your family for dinner…well let’s just say it can cause you a little bit of indigestion. But don’t worry you have that tasty pink liquid in your desk to take the edge off.
Cough Candies/Chloraseptic Spray
Your voice is your instrument; without it you are useless, without it you are powerless. You need it not only to lecture about the latest unit but you need it to simply have conversations with your students to build relationships. When it feels like you have razor blades in your throat or that nagging cough is interfering with your lesson, you reach for your Halls or your Fisherman’s Friend and keep on talking.
Gum/Toothbrush & Toothpaste
You will inevitably hear from your students that your breath smells, whether it is from your disgusting tasting Fisherman’s Friend, your coffee or your lunch. Aren’t they sweet? We teach them from a young age to be honest, man did that backfire on us!!! If you are lucky enough to have time at lunch (insert laughter here) or have a prep block that doesn’t consist of you madly trying to cross things of your to-do list; you may actually be able to brush your teeth.
Snacks
They probably have to be gluten-free, nut-free and healthy of course; although you sneak a little bit of candy and chocolate in there too. These snacks are not only for you, since you rarely get a lunch and you don’t want the kids to hear your stomach growl during silent reading time but also as bribes for the kids to partake in whatever activity you have planned for the lesson or prizes for random acts of kindness. But you also have snacks in your desk because you know that little Jimmy or little Sally in the back-row, didn’t have breakfast and the thought of that child going hungry all day breaks your heart.
Deodorant
You’ve been running around like a chicken with its head cut off all day, your FitBit is telling you that you have really put on the miles and burnt a million calories; you are sweaty! You can’t smell like a junior high kid fresh out of gym so between classes you quickly apply more.
Random Things
This is the collection of confiscated items that you still have to return. The things kids bring to school nowadays…