I am the wife of a shiftworker. I have been a shiftworker’s partner/spouse for eight years. We have built a relationship around one & one sets, two & two sets and of course swinging from days to nights. Countless important dates have been postponed or celebrated via text message, phone call or with roses delivered to my workplace since there are hundreds of miles between us or sometimes numerous provinces.
Please note that in no way am I complaining about my life or my husband. I love my husband immensely, he has made major sacrifices to provide for us and for that I am eternally grateful. As difficult it is for me, it is no walk in the park for him. When he is gone I know he worries about me being home alone, I see him wrestle with his guilt over having to go, the work he does is physically demanding and hazardous and the oddball schedule is hard on his body. Yet, he endures all this without complaint.
The time we have together is very important and we cherish it. It can be frustrating for both of us because sometimes his time is quickly eaten up by chores. Around the holidays it seems like his time at home is on fast forward and his time away moves in slow motion. But, come hunting or fishing season we drop everything and get back to basics, back to nature.
This is a lifestyle blog and this is part of my life; I want to share openly and honestly about all aspects of my life. There are countless people across this great province and country who understand what the shiftworker spouse life is like. They know how tough it can be on them and their loved ones. I have read other blogs about couples who have made this type of dynamic work for over ten years. I have read about couples who were unable to cope, partially because of what was left unsaid –one wife in particular bottled everything up because she didn’t want to add more stress to her husband’s plate.
When my husband and I first started dating I didn’t quite know how to ‘make it all work’ because I had nothing to go on. It is said that the relationships we are exposed to in our formative years greatly influence or guide the relationships we have as adults. My mother was a stay at home mom for most of my life and my father worked locally and was home for dinner each night promptly at five. Therefore, being about to read about the experience of other spouses who hold down the fort while their other half is away.
Sometimes the loneliness is palpable. I’ll admit sometimes I get into such a funk when my husband is away that I just want to stay inside and sleep and I only feel better when he comes home. Over the next few months I’ll be sharing some tips for how we make it work as well as some of the things I do to make his time away tolerable. I would love to hear sage advice from other shiftworker spouses out there. Here is a preview of mine…
1. Surround yourself with family
2. Communicate as much as possible
3. Get off the couch
4. Hobbies
5. Lists
6. Clean house
7. Meal planning
8. Make gestures
9. Don’t cry
10. Love