You may recall from my post on July, that I had a list of 10 things I endeavour to do or remember to keep in mind when I miss my husband while he is working away. Some of my friends who don’t have spouses that work away have asked me, how we do it? Or how do I stand it? It is simple, first of all …
1. Surround yourself with family
This seems self explanatory and I don’t just mean your own family but his as well. His family helps make it seem like he isn’t gone. We both miss him terribly. My husband’s family is truly amazing. They have stepped in to help me with absolutely anything and everything. I absolutely love being apart of their family and can’t thank them enough for all they have done for my husband and I.
2. Communicate as much as possible
Text or call or email every morning and every night and of course when you can throughout the day; we say good morning and good night every day. It starts us both off on a good footing, because the first thing I read is his message and it is the last thing I read before bed.
My husband always says that he is there to work, eat, sleep, repeat with little interaction with others; after all shiftmates end up on different sites and contractors come and go. With that kind of isolation at work, communication with your partner back home becomes super important to actively foster. Plus, it has allowed me to get a greater understanding and appreciation of what he does. The interest I show (and what he shows in my work, and I’m sure he has had to Google educational paradigms, curriculum initiatives and teacher acronyms to understand me) helps us feel better about being apart.
3 & 4. Get off the couch & Hobbies
And this has definitely been a priority for me as it aligns very closely with my New Years resolutions. I found it easy to fall into a bit of a depression when my husband is gone. Partly, because I miss him like crazy and also because we share the same hobbies so all the things that I derive joy from doing are very much tied to him and I didn’t feel like doing them unless he was around, it felt weird. I will admit, reluctantly that there have been weekends where I have gotten up and then just basically layed on the couch in pajamas till noon (or occasionally sometimes all day), just staring at the television like a zombie. Lately, instead of lazing on the couch and missing out on life, I have been putting in a workout DVD.
It is important to find yourself some hobbies; hobbies that are independent from him. It also helps you get off the couch; it takes your mind off missing him. I knew that I had to really work hard to figure out other things to do on my own and that were nearby otherwise I wouldn’t want to drive the hour into Edmonton.
5. Lists
I make a lot of lists of what I need to do when my husband is away. It keeps me motivated and it keeps me distracted. It also helps make sure that I get everything done that I need to, so when he is home we both have fewer chores to do and can maximize the amount of fun we can have together.
6. Clean House
In terms of the division of labour in our household, the housework is under my domain. I know that I may get criticized for this, but I prefer it this way. I grew up in a household with a traditional blue/pink – male/female job dynamic. My husband not only works away a week at a time, swinging nights to days but he also runs our business on top of doing innumerable things around the house. He doesn’t demand a spotless house; he understands that occasionally I might let the dishes pile up, the dust accumulate, the grocery shopping is overdue and that I have once again left the laundry in the dryer (especially during report card time). However, after living in camps or in a rented room I can only imagine that coming home to a clean house feels fantastic. Making sure I stay on top of it makes me happier, makes me feel like I am contributing and the less time I spend cleaning when he is home, the more time I can spend with him.
7. Meal Planning
If it was up to me and I hadn’t made a resolution to eat better, I would simply just eat crap while my husband is away. Meal planning has allowed me to eat better, and as a result feel better. I like planning out what I will cook for us when he is home.
8. Make Gestures
Even though I hate it when he has to leave, I try to do some things to help make it easier on him.
-make meals for him to take to work (I like doing this so he doesn’t have to worry about preparing meals himself and that way he doesn’t have to resort to convenience food)
-fold his laundry and help him pack
-stock the house with stuff that he likes (make sure he has his favourite coffee and snacks)
-wait up for him when he comes home
9. Don’t Cry
My husband knows that I cry when he leaves. I try not to pout or cry in front of him though; because it is hard enough on him already. Although I am sure he is touched that I love him that much but I know that he HATES seeing me cry…and he definitely doesn’t want to be the reason that I do.
10. Love
Don’t forget that bottom line; he is working his butt off for the family. Out of necessity. Out of love. Don’t forget to make time for love.