Category: Reflections & Lifestyle

Father’s Day will be June 20th this year. Traditionally on these days children celebrate and thank their mothers and fathers for all that they have done for them. Sometimes surprising the revered parent with breakfast in bed or a family dinner out at a nice restaurant. The day is complete with gifts, a nice handmade card or perhaps a bouquet of flowers and a box of their favourite chocolates. For me; these days are bittersweet. These days, in addition to my father’s birthdays, death day and really every special occasion in my life. Instead of thanking him, I am remembering him, and wishing he was still here. I know I am not alone in feeling so. Feeling nostalgic, I wanted to share my experience of parental loss with you.

My dad and I shared a very close bond; the memories I have of him are too numerous to even begin to start sharing. I was the typical ‘Daddy’s Girl.’ His death on June 13 2002 hit me HARD. He had been diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia, three years earlier when I was in seventh grade. Like many children, I figured he would simply live forever. I didn’t really understand how this illness could take him from me; he had survived so much already in his short 48 years on this Earth. From a horrible industrial accident that required over 15 surgeries, then of course complications from those surgeries, thyroid issues and in general immense pain on a daily basis. He endured all that while running his own business and looking after my mother, myself and his own mother who suffered a massive stroke and was paralyzed on the left side. He endured without complaint.

I spent a lot of time with him at the Cancer Clinic; sitting with him while he had chemotherapy. Again my junior high self didn’t really understand; we had spent lots of time at the hospital over the years even prior to ‘The Big C’ and he always came home… I will never forget the night he died; the phone rang… CODE BLUE, the nurse told my mother. She came into my room and suggested I get dressed because there was a chance that “Dad may pass away.” By the time we arrive at the hospital he was gone. I was sick to my stomach. 

As a teenager, just freshly 16 years of age I felt isolated in my grief. I didn’t feel comfortable asking for help or talking to anyone; even my own grieving family. It is safe to say that I wanted to suffer in silence; swallow my grief. It wasn’t healthy and that’s definitely why I became angry. I slammed a few doors, became self-destructive and lashed out at people who were simply trying to help. Basically I spiralled. This huge traumatic event in my life brought a lot of unwanted attention to me and my family. Don’t get me wrong; I can’t even begin to thank those who stepped up to show us kindness and compassion at that difficult time, but as a typical teenager it was overwhelming. I just wanted to be normal, I wanted everyone to think that I was okay, that I was a strong mother-fucker (excuse the language) because I was 16 and all 16 year old think they are invincible (and that we know better, when clearly we don’t). It irked me incredibly to be known as the “girl whose dad just died,” that label made me burn with embarrassment. My dad died around the time that MSN Messenger was super popular; so I spent hours locked away downstairs in the office ‘talking’ to my friends completing ignoring my own suffering family.

As I was reading up about grief during adolescence, recently, I found my aforementioned behaviour was extremely common. While I clacked away on the keyboard; chatting, I thought about my life. I thought a lot; I thought a lot about a lot of things. I thought about all the activities I used to do with my dad and that I would NEVER be able to do them with him again. I thought about all the things in my life that he would never be apart of. I had never been a religious person, but this grievous, life shattering event even made me think that there couldn’t possibly be a God –since he had let this happen to me and my family. And of course I thought: “What the fuck am I going to do now?” But, the memorial service happened, the ashes were scattered, life went on: high school graduation, university, teaching, marriage…

We all survived the grief. It did get easier as the years went on, however I have shed quite a few tears composing this post but I didn’t fall to pieces like I did back then. I am thankful that I had a dad like him and that I was able to cultivate 16 years of awesome memories with him. I miss my dad and I wish he was still here. But I think the life I have led up to this point would have made him proud and that makes my heart happy. 

Since today is my 35th birthday, I wanted to challenge myself to accomplish 36 things before my 36th birthday because getting older should be fun and something you shouldn’t be dreading. So here’s to a year of new experiences!

1. Try water therapy
2. Visit the Royal Alberta Museum
3. Attend a conference led by one of my teacher/educational idols
4. Go to Fort MacLeod
5. Successfully make one of my Grandma’s Hungarian dessert recipes (Walnut Roll)
6. Go to a movie by myself
7. Go on a fishing trip 
8. Find the perfect pair of jeans
9. Take a course 
10. Host a cookie exchange
11. Go to the Art Gallery of Alberta
12. Have my makeup professionally done
13. Complete a fitness challenge
14. Make my own signature drink
15. Attend (another) Cirque Du Soleil show
16. Get a manicure
17. Start seriously saving for retirement
18. Do a charity walk
19. Watch the sunrise and sunset in one day
20. Name a star
21. Lose 10 pounds
22. Go bowling
23. Have High Tea at the Hotel Macdonald
24. Take a cooking class
25. Get a new hairstyle and colour
26. Go to Fort Edmonton Park
27. Observe Lent
28. Find a new author that I love as much as Agatha Christie
29. Sleep under the stars
30. Go on a girl’s trip with Megan
31. Send my husband on an epic hunting trip
32. Update my kitchen cabinets
33. Eat at Calcutta Cricket Club in Calgary
34. Get a tattoo
35. Improve my home office
36. Cut out swearing

May and June are always hectic; and literally every teacher meme about ‘getting to the finish line’ is true. However, at least for me, it is a sad time. We say goodbye to our students, some for the summer and some forever as they embark on their post-secondary adventures. At the same time as we are wrapping up we are also gearing up for the next school year. There are a few things us educators can do that can make this time of the year better.

Teacher Wellness/Self-Care
This is increasingly becoming a popular topic. Compassion fatigue is real. Teacher fatigue is real. We can’t possibly be effective and look after others if we don’t look after ourselves. We may think to ourselves that we can just burn the candle at both ends and then ‘recover over the summer.’ But let’s face it…we never actually do…we just keep going. Attending PD sessions, planning lessons, buying supplies, adapting curriculum, preparing materials, decorating our classrooms, etc. Never underestimate the importance of sleep; make it a priority, not something you do for a few hours each night after working. Set a timer; once it rings put away what you were doing whether you finished it or not and “go the fuck to sleep!” We always stress how important it is for our kiddos to sleep but we don’t always practice what we preach. You can avoid the June burnout and pre-summer cold simply by getting a good night’s sleep on a CONSISTENT basis.

Have Fun With Your Colleagues
Some people subscribe to the belief that the people at your place of employment are co-workers and nothing more; but I strongly disagree. You walk into any school or staffroom and you find a family; a number of adults (from custodians, to educational assistants to secretaries to administration staff to teachers) who are all heavily invested in “their kids.” We are all riding the same emotional rollercoaster together, we are the ones in the trenches fighting tooth and nail to make sure the kids get the best possible education, feel safe, are supported and set up for success. There are elements of confidentiality associated with working with young people so technically we only have our colleagues to talk to about what goes on. Our colleagues are special! As much as we need to take care of ourselves we also need to make sure our “work family” is taking care of themselves. Leave the comfort of the staffroom behind and have some fun; take advantage of the nice weather. This will help you all re-charge and finish the year off on a strong note.

Find the Joy/Celebrate Success
There are lots of stakeholders in education and they all have differing opinions on what is being done, what should be done, and how you and the students have been doing. It is very easy to internalize and take things personally; a low test score, an interaction with a stakeholder than didn’t go as planned, a lesson that flopped, a new initiative launched by central office or the Minister of Education. We let those define our days, months and school years as a whole; we let them pile up over the school year. Let’s stop with the negativity. Re-frame your mindset: if something didn’t go what, come up with at least one way in which you can plausibly work toward fixing it for the next school year. Find joy every day; no matter how small it may seem. And do this overtly; reflect with the kiddos, your colleagues and your loved ones. 

When the school year does end…

Don’t Let Work Take Over Your Summer
Don’t ever feel bad for taking a break; I know I struggled with teacher guilt for a while. I am getting better and making sure I have some ME time. I force myself to take the first week of July off with ZERO school work. Then I only do maybe an hour (or maybe 2) Monday-Friday. I have been scheduling more and more mini-trips or activities throughout the summer to make sure I actually get out, get moving and have fun.

With summer fast approaching I have been looking forward to all the time I will get to spend outside with my family; I am so excited. Our nephew and nieces were over for the weekend; on the way home from the grocery store my nephew pulled out one of my husband’s Alberta Outdoorsman magazines from the seat pocket in front of him and started thumbing through it. He proudly announced, “I’m going to read Uncle’s hunting magazine!” The day before he said, “Remember when Uncle and I went ice fishing, just the two of us?!?…that was a great day!” When he left to go home, he happily told me that the next time he was over when Uncle was home they were going to “shoot his bow and BB gun!” It got me thinking about our next generation of outdoorsmen/outdoorswomen. We are very fortunate to have the kids in our family interested in our hobbies and that they genuinely enjoy them. From the beginning the kids were exposed to hunting and fishing; they have become increasingly more interested and involved. As a teacher, I’m always excited and impressed when my students show me photos from their hunting and fishing adventures.

We feel it is important for kids to be outside; far too often they are plugged into whatever electronic device is most captivating –whether it is an iPad, computer or TV. We have all probably seen the commercials for GoRving Canada that features the following narration…

“Kids want their wildhoods back. They want to play not have playdates. Get dirty not sanitized. They want you to trade your parenting books for a fishing rod. They want to wander. Be left alone for more than five minutes. They want to sleep in a bunk. Stare at the stars past their bedtime. They want to eat with their hands. Eat from a stick. Visit their neighbour without a chaperone. They want to run, skip, and roam free. Let’s give them what they are truly missing. Let’s give them back their wildhoods.”

This definitely sums up our philosophy and the experiences we want our nieces, nephew and my students to have. Even if they decide in the future they don’t want to hunt and fish I hope that they continue to enjoy the great outdoors and nature in a capacity that best suits them (camping, hiking, rock climbing, gardening, canoeing, etc.).

One place where kids can experience their “wildhoods,” in Alberta is at Alford Lake Conservation Education Centre. I have known many youth who have attended this facility and they LOVED it. They were able to take part in centrefire rifle and black power shooting as well as archery. Some of the kids learned the basics of crossbow and fly-fishing when they attended the camp. In addition, at Alford Lake,  youth learn about small game hunting, pest control and trapping. After learning how to safely operate shotguns kids can test their aim at trap shooting.  Survival skills and geocaching treks are also part of the experience there. There are waterfowl, whitetail, butchery and re-loading sessions as well. I wish that I had had an opportunity to attend something like this when I was in school.

I came across an awesome post on www.wideopenspace.com while I was researching. It was called 10 Reasons to Teach Children to Hunt; I highly recommend you read it in full. A few points really jumped out at me. According to this post the number one reason is “Bonding Time.” When I watch my husband teaching our youngest niece to duck call, teaching our nephew how to hit the kill spot on the deer decoy with his new bow or teaching our oldest niece how to safely handle a firearm, of course makes my heart melt because it is not only ridiculously adorable but because I know that they strengthening their relationships; they are growing closer and closer. The time we spend with them (not the stuff we give them) is what matters most in this life and they are beginning to understand this, even at their young ages and they do crave the time we spend with them in this capacity.

The second reason the post discusses is, “Tradition;” the kids have become accustomed to the routines in our lives. They know the seasons for hunting and fishing. They know that in July and August we set up the game cameras (they change out the batteries, go along for walks to retrieve and set them out, they get excited when my husband shows them the deer pictures). They know that in September and October we are scouting for birds and they eagerly look out the windows when they come with us. They know that in November, uncle is sporting his hunting beard and lucky hoodie. They know where the best spots on the lake are for catching Walleye and Whitefish during the ice fishing season. They know that every time they come out they get to be ‘outdoorsman/ outdoorswomen.’ They seem to want to grow up to be like their Uncle; so maybe one day when they have their own nieces and nephews or children; they will pass on the knowledge and skills that we have taught them.

Outdoor pursuits such as hunting and fishing are important for conservation. And being an ethical hunter and angler are vital. The post from wideopenspaces.com lists learning “Conservation” as number three. Wanting to emulate her brother, my niece also grabbed one of my husband’s hunting magazines. In the rear-view mirror I saw my nephew explaining the difference between an elk and deer to her, telling her what types of fish were in the advertisements. She turned a page and gasped. I asked her what was wrong. My nephew answered for her; he said it was a picture of coyote pelts. He then explained to his sister about predator control. At their young ages they know why some fish cannot be kept and why you can only keep a certain number of others.

Numbers eight and nine are “Teaching Responsibility” and “Building Confidence,” and they go hand in hand –taking on responsibility, being considered mature enough to take part in hunting and other outdoor activities increases confidence. It is one thing to tell kids to be responsible or what it means to be responsible but  it is another to take part in a real-life activity where kids are shown and then have to demonstrate responsibility. I am confident that our nieces and nephew will grow up to not only be ethical outdoorsmen and outdoorswomen but good people who know that all things and people are deserving of respect. As a teacher I have unfortunately seen the causes of and the effects of low self-esteem in youth. Fostering the next generation of outdoorsman and outdoorswomen may help to alleviate some of these issues. Not only will our nieces and nephew be surrounded by an incredible community of supportive hunters and anglers, but they will have a hobby that gets them off the couch and out in nature; and they can take pride in harvesting their animals and feel a sense of worth because they have provided food for our family.

In closing, let’s celebrate and encourage our next generation of outdoorsmen and outdoorswomen. Let’s bond with them, let’s teach them, and let’s help them grow into responsible, ethical and confident people.